Randomness is bliss.

Why I got Hepatitis C this weekend.

2008-12-08T15:39:00.000-05:00

So, this past Friday was a busy day for me, which resulted in me getting Hepatits C.

I got up early to bus/metro in to the automaker's bail-out plea in front of Congress (yeah, I was on C-SPAN, no big deal) and kind of loved being there. Tons of energy, intense, and I was glad to see the automakers getting their As handed to them.

From there, I went to the Library of Congress where a little perverted man started the awkward of my life by saying, "come back next Friday around 11:30 and I will take you to lunch, then get you some wine to see how soft you really are." I still am not quite sure what that means, but all I could do was say, "not that soft" as I walked away.

The day continued with a trip to the new $650 million dollar Capital Visitor's Center, a Christmas concert at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception, and then off to a crazy night in Adam's Morgan. All of which I need to write more on and put up more pictures.

Anyways, crazy busy day, no time to go back home to get my car to leave at the Metro stop. So, I had to take a taxi.

By the time I get back to my metro stop it is 2:30am and freezing cold outside. I start looking for a taxi and panic as I see this drunk guy hopping into the back seat. Not knowing was else to do, I run the taxi down and asks if he can take two. Bad idea because that forces me in the front seat with the driver.

The guy in the back is wasted, the taxi driver asks him 3 or 4 times where he lives and he responds by saying not far from another street. Naturally that does nothing for the driver and he finally yells it out of him.

So here I am, not talking, dead tired in the car with a seemingly normal taxi driver and a drunk as H guy.

Me being the person I am, and always needing to do something, see a stack of movies sitting beside me in the front seat of the car, like they are touching my legs. I casually say, what movies you got here, and start just innocently shuffling through them. The cabby says nothing and I imagine its fine. The first two are normal and then BAM...PORNOS.

So here I am, not talking, dead tired in the car with a obsessed porno taxi driver who evidently can't wait till he gets home because he has DVD player in the car and a drunk as H guy at 3 AM.

Definately, uncomfortably. I did make it home safe, but thinking the whole time how disgusting the cab I paid to sit in is. I threw up in my mouth a lot about it.

I hate pornography, I think it encourgaes sexual abuse and disrespect for women.

Seventh Day

2008-11-28T14:28:00.000-05:00

So, Sunday being the seventh day, I have totally pushed week 2. But here it is.

I resent my friend Tiff who sent me this email.

Your dissapoint me with your blog. I am ashamed to call you friend.

Tiff

Really, ASHAMED, thats mean. Real mean. And I was going to write about how thankful I was to have you for a friend. Guess, that won't happen.

Until, I get back from Rocky Gap, where internet is so slow, this will suffice. Pathetic I know.

Blogathy...

2008-11-17T14:26:00.000-05:00

n. when the readership of your blog plummets due to your inability to post or in your over zealous behavior to post about everything in entirely too much detail.

I suffer from the first of the two spectrum's.

After being reprimanded, I have decided to make a Blogger comeback. Hold the cheers... it has stipulations. If I do not start updating my blog at least weekly for the next two months, I am going to kill "Randomness is bliss." Cut the cord, shiv it, drown it, basically straight up blog murder it. By January 2009 my blog will either be amazing or over.

There you go, blogathetic readers, help me, help you, know about my life. Any encouragement, threats, or writing posts for me would help.

xoOXXooXoXoOOX

Random what?

2008-08-03T16:00:00.000-04:00

I hand sculpted these sausage patties for Valentines' Day for my family. Its pure skill.

If you look closely, you can see "I love you" burned onto the mountain. When I find me a man like this, believe me, I am hanging on.

This is the view from my front porch. Seriously, we live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

Its a homemade chastity belt. You could even say redneck.

The McCain-Obama election is really heating up. Yet, there is an even bigger election going on in Southwest VA and Eastern Kentucky. For some reason, I thought this already happened. Maybe I am wrong?

Bad Blogger Bitten by Crab

2008-07-09T21:35:00.000-04:00

So, my blog has been seriously neglected. I mean look at my background, its screaming for change. The background is staying, but here is a quick 2 month play by play of my life.

- Last week, I was at the magical Outer Banks, or if you are cool OBX, with my entire immediate family. Lets just say my family is amazing and I love them more than fish love water.

- While there, I got bit by a crab. Like the ones from the ocean. My dad told me it wouldn't bite, of course I listened, and the next thing I know I was screaming, laughing and yes, bleeding.

- I chased two shirtless teen boys down the beach. Together they were maybe 30. Some say that is wrong but I say, in the words of beloved J-lo - "My appetite for loving is now my hunger pain." And I am a Cougar and thats what Cougars do.

- My knees are suffering a slow, painful death. Mostly because I am training for my first marathon in October with my dear friend Tiffany Winder. I am totally pumped!

- Next year, I am trying out for American Idol. I can't sing, but its settled.

- This seriously needs a better update, but I hit a deer with my beloved Chevy Cavalier. I wept, the Hell's Angels who stopped, comforted me, and Josh Dalton, rescued me. It was totalled and totally depressing. Now, I am debating between buying an old '92 Chrysler LeBaron convertible, Dodge Nitro, Volvo, or a scooter. Thoughts?

- Since then, I have almost hit 3 more deer. They are out to get me. I think its because I sleep in my brother Jared's room (his mattress is better, so I moved). Anyways, there are deer heads everywhere in there, and I think they are angry they are dead and sending rageful little deer on terror missions. I even had nightmares about them. Its getting out of hand.

- I am officially 24. I am way wise.

- My family killed a groundhog a few weeks ago and skinned it. Fortunately no one ever ate it, but almost.

- I tried octopus. Its chewy and gross.

- I went to Dollywood. Its like redneck Disney Land and equally as fun. Plus, you get to see things there that you rarely see at a Disney park - a 90yr old woman smoking a pipe, tattoos of Lassie on men's hairy arms, etc.

- I am still working for the company in D.C. and Clinch Valley Printing. Also, I am volunteering for the Bland County Fair.

Yeah, thats kind of it. I will add pictures, it could be later today, tomorrow, or next month.

Forever Mother's Day Gifts

2008-05-10T19:51:00.000-04:00

You know, Mother's Day is rapidly approaching, and when I say rapidly, I mean less than 12 hours. So, me being the procrasinator I am, thought I will just pick my mom something when I am out today and that idea was pure brilliance. Had I not waited, I would have missed a real bargain.

The Green Hills cemetary lots are exceptional. Not only are they nestled in the beautiful Appalachian Mountains but they come with complementary glow in the dark crosses that illuminate the night , a gargantuan version of the 23rd Pslam, and right across the street from the local bar. Its a beautiful site to behold and this Mother's Day, I know that I will be taking home something my mom can keep forever.

Gonna Kill Somebody

2008-05-08T00:03:00.000-04:00

My nephew is seriously one of the cutest kids and full of flair. Very perceptive and smart for being 3.

My dad had his first of the month antique auction on Saturday and with a huge assortment of guns, it brought in quite the crowd. Spring brings more than flowers here - men start wearing wife beaters, chest/upper arm hair everywhere, and others forget that those button-up shirts actually button up, so lets just say skin is everywhere here especially at a gun and knife auction.

Well, my nephew was at the auction checking out his options for adulthood and coloring beside my mom as she checked people in. This guy walks in wearing a cowboy hat, he is lean, with his button-up open to expose his chest, and just looks terrifying. Like just plain angry. Little David starts staring at him when he walks in and is just trying to figure him out. When the guy finally signs in and walks out, he leans close and whispers to my mom, "Grandma, I think that man is going to kill someone." Probably one of the funniest things ever. I mean, its kind of sad, but you know you must be creepy if even a 3 year old gets the vibe.

Anyways....good news...I have a new dating post, its incredible. Should be coming soon.

"I love you" hand symbol

2008-04-19T12:38:00.000-04:00

I got in a fight with a fifty year old woman at the local gas station a couple weeks ago and as she was flipping me off, I flashed her the ole "I love you" in sign. Well she went crazy, like she was going to throw something at me, rip her shirt off, and then gave me the double bird. It was ridiculous, just imagine a short haired woman yours mother's age calling you an effing B.... Lets just say things escalated quickly. Anyways, my dad said that hand sign meant something else back in his day (involved the F bomb) and I decided to do a little googling.

Lo and behold I found the most incredible site dedicated to this hand sign and had to share. http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/False%20Religions/Wicca%20&%20Witchcraft/signs_of_satan.htm
There are two important things I got out of this site - 1. Texas longhorns = satan's university, which would mean that Texas is satan's state, I always knew I hated it for a reason 2. the leaders of our country are in bed with satan, here is photo proof. And guess who started this whole rampart confession of love for Satan - Hellen Keller.

I blame Hellen Keller for me almost getting into a girl fight/woman fight/getting murdered by a woman twice as big as me.

When Homecoming goes bad.

2008-04-11T22:01:00.000-04:00

I should have known better than to go to homecoming as a super senior. But somehow, this guy managed to get me there. Mostly because the day after I meet him, sitting in the "No Shhhhhh" zone of the Harold B. Lee, he send me flowers asking me to join him for a night on the Heber Creeper. I had always wanted to go, he sent my favorite gerber daises, so I excitedly said yes. Two days later, two days before the date, he tells me its homecoming and I need to have a dress. Naturally, me being the pushover I am and not wanting to bail on him, look for a dress.

So, I wear an old bridesmaid dress. Thanks Kimalee Clark Evans, your dress was a success.

(Notice the single red rose in my hand, this guy is romantic, what can I say).

Our night was magical, he kept trying to hold my hand, I kept refusing. We danced and laughed, he got super into the slow romantic songs and held me close. I think we even did the Jack and Kate off the side of the train. So on the ride home he starts talking about when he comes to Virginia for Thanksgiving, meeting the family, etc. This was only like a month after my engagement break, so I try to tell him I am not ready, that he is super nice but needs to give me some space because, well, its just too soon. He agrees, and takes me home.

The next morning I wake up to a note on my car (how he knew which car was mine still remains a mystery) that says how much fun he had and that he would love to see me later that day. I had other plans, so I call to tell him that I won't be able to.

Sunday rolls around and we play phone tag all night. I decide to go to bed around 11 pm without talking to him again. I am an extremely deep sleeper and didn't hear the phone ring like 5 times that night between 11:30 and 2 am. So, the next morning I wake up to this email...

"Jen,
Hey I just wanted to say thanks for joining me friday evening. I had
a great time and wish we could get to know eachother better. I
understand that that's not always possible in every circumstance and
feel like this is one of those times that I really can't do anything
about it. I'll be honest, I'm crazy for you and would give anything I
could for you. I am not sure about last night, it was all a big mess
to me. I lost a lot of sleep over it , I am sorry to have bothered
you and made things uncomfortable for you, please do forgive me. I
wish you the best and understand if I don't hear from you again
anytime soon.
Please do call if you get the chance, Jen, you're special, and I
really really fell head over heels for you....

with love,"

I was totally confused because I missed the "big mess." So, I call him to figure out what the heck is going on as I am totally perplexed. He tells me he feels like I was avoiding him, that he came over to my apartment while I was sleeping and thought he saw me in the car with another guy. Which drove him to lose a lot of sleep. Meanwhile, I am in fact sleeping. I tell him that I had a lot of fun with him, that I want to get to know him better, but doing stuff like this completely freaks me out. Then the follow-up email -

"Jen,
I appreciated the phone call this morning, how about a
little poetry...It was like a beam of sunlight that made the frost of
uncertainty melt away... :)
So please lets continue having fun, and I'll stop tripping
over myself trying to get to you, if I can contain myself. I
apologize for being too persistent, but like you said some persistance
is good if it's what you want. I am very interested in you, unlike I
have with anybody before, I guess its like a kid getting on a bike and
and not falling off for the first time, I'm just not sure what to
do... go in a straight line, do a wheelie, zig-zag... So that's where
I am, I promise I won't scare you away, I am a gentle, caring person
and would do anything to make you happy. Let me know what I can do...
and you shouldn't fall asleep so fast at night...
Its hard for me to explain how I can miss someone when I
barely even know you, but I miss you and I know that seems pretty lame
to you...who is this crazy guy... But you make me crazy and love it.
I'll call you later tonight... around nine, does that work for you? I
don't think I have ever left so many messages on some one's phone...
;)
Thanks for understanding Jen, I'm a young pup, in love. I hope you had a great time in class today and have fun at work...

Sincerely,"

Really, I think that sums it up. That was the last time we talked. My less than one week relationship of love.

Dating prologue...

2008-04-02T22:34:00.000-04:00

So, I decided my blog would be more entertaining if I did a little share-all with my dating life. Mostly because I am a magnet for bad situations and always want to think the best of people. Not a good combination.

Anyways, here are ten little background facts that will help you understand me better and my exciting love life:

1. I am a hopeless romantic - since I was probably around 5 I have wanted love. When Notting Hill came out on VHS - I watched it 3 times in one day. And the Holiday - went and watched it two nights in a row at the movie theater. Disgusting I know, but I just love the love.

2. I was virgin lipped until I was 18 or VL. Following in the footsteps of my basically perfect sister, who married the first guy she kissed, I wanted my kisses to mean something. Then, one night, overlooking the Provo temple a boy kissed me after I repeatedly told him no. I call it the lip raping. He basically ruined me.

3. One shot. I decided I would always give everyone at least one chance.

4. I struggle with commitment, like it stresses me out. Like a lot. Once I am committed though, I am loyal.

5. A co-worker friend once told me I had issues letting people in. Its true.

6. I have had my practice engagement.

7. Filtering is incomprehensible to me. Things spew out of my mouth. It really is genetic.

8. I fall in "love" with everyone, or at least I think I do.

9. I rarely date boys I kiss right away. Which means, I have had fewer relationships than boys that I have kissed.

10. Although I have kissed a few boys, I actually have standards.

"Girl, I just wana do you"

2008-03-02T18:17:00.000-05:00

So, a week ago today, I indirectly fulfilled a dream. Kissing a black man. Yeah, I know a little ridiculous, but thats what I thrive on.

My dad is an antique auctioneer and goes on buying trips to various auctions in the northeastern part of the US - New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, etc. So, these auctions are massive and locals, mostly men, come to help the dealers pack their furniture and glass for a little cash money under the table. Lets just say they are classy and hit on women in the most respectful manner. Like last time:

"Girl, where you from."

I politely respond, "Virginia"

"Virginia, well, you can rock my world...yeah...rock my world Virginia." And naturally, I did.

Anyways, I think you get this picture. So on Monday, this man walks up to me. Kind of a cross between Wesley Snipes and 50 and asks my name. I remember him from a few years ago when I used to come up with dad, so we talk casually. He asks if I am married (had I known the rest of the day I would have lied) and I say, no I am single.

Well, he starts being really complimentary and I awkwardly laugh because well, thats my mechanism for everything uncomfortable. (Probably should find another one because I think it actually encourages even worse situations.) He then says, "Girl, I could do you everyday." Most people would have immediately been offended, but, I didn't think "do" in the way it was meant but more of just like "hang out." My years in Provo showing. So he continues to repeat it and it slowly dons on me what he means. Finally, he comes out with it - "Girl, I would love to make love to you everyday...like when you come home from work..." and more. By that time, I am shocked, who says that to someone. He continues his confessions of admiration and then says, "Like girl, you know when you have that time of month (I am thinking, oh gosh, what is coming next) and you in pain. I just wana hold you, I wana make your pain, my pain." This point I am cracking up - how ridiculous is this and who the H thinks a girls wants to hear that. Instead of being rude, which would have been the best move, I just brush it off and walk away. Walk away, meaning go hide in the truck. I know its sheepish, but really, I was struggling. Plus, he is total thug, he could have me and my whole family killed. Would you want angry Wesley Snipes outside your window?

He comes up again and I am finally like, "Wayne, how old you?"

"Girl, it doesn't matter, I make you happy. Age doesn't matter, how old you go?"

"I max out at 35."

"Girl, age doesn't matter. I'm gonna take you on a cruise, I'd do that fo you, I'd take you on a cruise, would you go if I bought you a ticket? I'd get two beds, not saying I wouldn't creep ova to your side, and who knows, you might wana creep over to mine."

"Really, though, how old are you?"

"45, but girl, I'd make you happier, I can please you sexually and all them other ways (wow, he really knows what a lady needs), and I can do anything you can do better. Tell me something you could do better than me."

Sadly, the only thing I could think of was read, but of course, again, I didn't wana be mean. I said nothing.

He finally leaves. I am completely blown away and laughing. Who the heck is he? And why can't I have a little sass today.

Fortunately, he leaves me alone till the end of the auction. I see him walking towards me, panic floods my body, and he smells strongly of alcohol. He leans in to give me a hug and gives me a disgusting, sloppy alcohol kiss on the cheek.

Lets just say I can check off #67 on my "100 Things to Do Before I Die." - be kissed by a black man.

A blog with no backbone.

2008-02-17T16:31:00.001-05:00

I read a few blogs every now and again, and most are written with flair and wit that I hate to admit, I lack. This blog could be the worst idea I have had yet, even more so than putting my foot in a hot pot at Yellowstone. But...here goes...